Am I Smarter Than a Fifth-Grader?

According to this quiz, I am not. I answered 5 out of 10 questions correctly. The amusing thing is that I got all the math questions right. I stink at math. I hyperventilate when I have to help my three youngest kids with math, and they are only in 3rd and 4th grades. I was disappointed with myself when it came to the other questions. I had a first choice and a second choice for each one in my head, and my second choice turned out to be the correct answer every time. So much for always going with the first answer that comes to you.

Musicals make my heart swell

I am halfway through watching Broadway: The American Musical and loving it. Many people think of musicals as fluff, but this form of entertainment affects me more deeply than any other. The songs, which tell stories rather than just repeating simple refrains, reach down in my soul and stir up emotions that make me want to sing out myself. The dancing makes me curse my own clumsy feet.

What do ordinary people do when those strong feelings are churned up inside them? My first thought is that I want to share the experience. I want others to understand what the music and choreography has done to me and have them feel it themselves. I am not an actor, singer or dancer, so I can't express them in kind. Writing alone doesn't get it across. I wonder how others keep this all bottled up inside.

Jumped back in the box

Unfortunately for me, this is not a special box. I am talking about my SHE box. For those who don't know, SHE stands for Sidetracked Home Executives, an organizational book that made its authors talk-show darlings in the early 1980s. I discovered the book well after its initial burst of popularity and for the past 10 years I've been attempting to stick to the system. I even have two boxes because I lost the first box between Attempts #2 and #3. The original system has been modified over the years by its creators and even inspired another system called Flylady, which I have also tried several times.

Why am I going another round with an organizational system that doesn't appear to be working for me? I am giving it another shot because I think that maybe it did work but I didn't give it a fair chance. During a conversation with ABM last week about trying to get our lives back on track, he mentioned I was the most organized when I was using "that box". According to him, things would be going smoothly and then I would make the system too complicated. I believe I know what he means. Whenever I try anything, I feel that I am not giving it a fair trial if I don't follow it to the letter. Somehow, if I make modifications to what is written down, then I feel as though I'm not doing it correctly. Each time I tried SHE, I would add in all the elements of the system and eventually wear myself out.

This time is going to be different. I am giving myself permission to use the box in the way that works best for me. I am going to organize the tasks in a way that works for me. I am not going to add cards for every single item on my to-do list. For instance, my Treo does a much better job of reminding of appointments and birthdays, so why should I put a card in the box for them? I am not going to set up my system in such a way that requires me to spend hours every day dealing with it. That is one of my main failings; I become so enamored of playing around with the system, making charts and rearranging cards, that I don't do any of the actual chores! This time I am going to make the system fit into my life and not abandon it when I get bored. I don't want to spend the second half of my life feeling as clueless and unorganized as I did in the first half.

My own chat room

I've added a chat box at the bottom of the page. It is an experiment because I've always wondered how those portable chat boxes work. I can't imagine two people reading my blog at the same time and wanting to talk to each other. Anyway, the chat box is there and it has a little bell to tell me when one of you shows up. I'll try to hang around for the next few days to see if the box is of any use.

Twitter, anyone?

Are any of you using Twitter? How are you using it? I finally signed up after several of my podcasting friends jumped on it. For those that aren't familiar, it is an application that lets you tell all your friends what you are doing at the moment, up to 140 characters. It was designed to be used through your phone, but you can also update on the web or through plug-ins that people have created for the desktop. There is a public timeline but you can also just watch your friends. Check out TwitterVision to see a mashup of the public timeline with GoogleMaps.

I'm still not sure why everyone is enamored of it. It seems like a fad that will disappear in a month unless someone finds a good use for it. I admit that it is mildly entertaining, mainly because it makes use of my unlimited text-messaging plan. None of my local friends are tech-crazy so I rarely get text messages. This way I have a connection to my online friends during the day when everyone else is at work. Still, I don't think Twitter will last long if someone doesn't find an enduring way for it to be used.

Scary building full of scary people

This morning I had an appointment with a temp agency, and I was dreading it. Ten years' ago was the heydey for temp agencies in this area, and many of them had offices in my small town. These were comforting offices in small buildings that looked like houses. I didn't feel intimidated when I walked into them. There was the sense that the agency rep and I were working together to place me in a position that suited my strengths and presented the agency in a good light.

These days, however, most of the agencies have closed their local branches or gone out of business altogether. The responses I am getting to my online resume aren't coming from my old faithful partners like Uniforce. They are from international firms with sophisticated hiring methods and offices to match. Today I had to go to the 22nd floor of a fancy uptown building in Charlotte. The tallest building in my county only has five stories. All the glass and chrome and people walking around in nice suits! The agency rep who interviewed me was young and well-coiffed; I felt old and sloppy by comparison. At least I tested well. My scores were 10 points above the average for that branch. That made me feel a little less out-of-place as I walked out of the building. Hopefully those scores will translate into a placement.

Mamma Mia!

Well, I got out of my cage this weekend. ABM let me have a little break and spend the night with my best friend Rabbit. It was nice to visit with her without having to run errands and such. Yesterday, we ate and talked while I cleaned up the mess her husband made of their computer. Oy vey! The viruses I removed from that machine!

Today we went to see Mamma Mia! The musical numbers were great. In particular, the group numbers had a lot of energy. However, the show fell apart whenever they weren't singing and dancing. We went with another couple, and the guy who went with us had seen two other productions of this show. According to him, tonight's performance was tweaked to be more comedic. He pointed out several jokes that were added in and a scene that was removed. Most of the jokes fell flat, so maybe they should have stuck with their original formula. We still had fun, though.

Ring-a-Ding Ding!

Have I mentioned that I don't like talking on the phone? I used to be able to tolerate it for work, but now I don't like it at all. Calling out is the worst. I have to get myself psyched up for even simple calls. Why can't more people in my life use e-mail?

Anyway, I had to call Office Team this morning. They got my resume and want me to come in for testing. That should be a good call to make, right? Well, I was stressed about scheduling the interview. I knew that if I called today, they would want me to come in tomorrow but I'm not available until Monday. How do I say that without looking irresponsible? I can't tell them that my husband can't drive me until Monday. (I've learned that it is best to hide the fact that I don't drive. I have extremely reliable transportation, but temp agencies put you at the bottom of the list if you don't have a car.)

Thanks to Netflix, I had just the thing to loosen me up a little before the call: Live and Swingin': The Ultimate Rat Pack Collection. After a dose of Dean Martin, I was ready to make the call. Of course, I got myself all worked up for nothing. The agency rep didn't have a problem with waiting until Monday at all. Now I need to watch the rest of the DVD to calm my interview jitters.

Speaking of the Rat Pack, I will forever regret that I didn't go see the reunion tour in the late 80s. Frank Sinatra, Sammy Davis, and Liza Minnelli came to my area and I actually lived near the venue. I wanted to go to that show so much! My fear of crowds and fear of spending money were both much worse than they are now, though, and I couldn't imagine buying a ticket to a concert and going by myself. It wasn't as hip for a 21-year-old to be interested in cocktail music, so I couldn't get anyone to go with me. The DVD is as close as I'm going to get.

Little Google Tickle

I like using the Google search field that is right next to the address bar in Firefox 2.0. It tickles me to watch it guess what I am looking for just from one word or a few letters. It is correct so often.

Still sleepy and still jobless

ABM called to tell me he is working late. Thank goodness! I am still mighty drowsy, but this gives me time to enlist the kids in a little housework before their dad comes home. I am in my fall-back position: if I am too tired to do anything else, I can always fold laundry from my bed.

Everyone who talks to me now asks me about the job hunt. It is only natural, but I don't want to discuss it. Job hunting is such a soul-torturing pursuit for me that I can't think too much about it without becoming upset. I would take a job cleaning filthy restrooms at the stadium after a rock concert if it meant that I wouldn't have to ever go on another interview or read through another list of jobs for which I am not qualified.

Feast or Famine

Yesterday, I was so disgusted with myself for sitting around like a lump over the weekend that I walked 3/4 of a mile on the treadmill (.810 miles, to be exact). I could have walked further but the itchy-leg problem flared up. I took that walk before 8a, too. I was dressed with my hair curled and shoes on my feet before 9a. I did not get back in bed until after dark. For me, that is a pretty good day at home.

Today? I can't get out of bed. I'm not sore from the exercise or lethargic from grief (see yesterday's post). I'm just so sleepy. After the kids left for school and ABM left for work, I tried to go through my regular routine of drinking coffee and hitting the job sites but I couldn't focus. I took a 90-minute nap and now, four hours later, I'm ready to take another one. ABM will be disappointed in me if he comes home and I haven't done anything. I've got to find a way to snap out of this. Where is my coffee?

Eww.

I just had to explain define orgasm so that M could understand the purpose of a crush video. I'll be glad when she finishes this animal cruelty paper. My head hurts now.

OMG!

M is doing a paper on animal cruelty and just asked me for a "clean" way to describe bestiality. Ugh!

Bummer

ABM got a hysterical call from his mom about an hour ago, saying that his aunt had died. They found her crumpled on the floor, which is a bad way to find someone. His aunt's death shouldn't have been a shock because of her increasing health problems. However, she was able to attend a family funeral yesterday looking like her old self, so the rest of the family must have thought she was on the mend.

This was the third family death in six months. ABM says the older he gets, the less surprised he is by death. By contrast, I have had very little experience with it. I've only lost two people that I care about, and they were relatives that I only saw once every couple years. I have a feeling that when I do lose someone close to me, I will completely fall apart.

I can't believe it

Richard Jeni shot himself in the face. If I had to name my favorite comedians, they would be Chris Rock and Richard Jeni. I was just thinking to myself last week that Richard Jeni should do a new special. What a shame that such a great talent is gone.

Makes me sad

Today, the rollover information for my former employer's retirement plan arrived in the mail. I haven't been looking forward to seeing that envelope. ABM has been bugging me about it because he wants me to withdraw the money. There isn't much (less than $5000) but I was hoping that we could roll it over to an IRA.

This isn't the first time that I've withdrawn money from a company-sponsored fund. In the past, I haven't felt any qualms about taking the cash. However, I feel uncomfortable doing it this time. I'm very worried about what is going to happen to me in my old age. I have a feeling that ABM is going to die before me and the kids will be working-class like us so they won't be able to support me. I'll have nothing to live on besides Social Security. I'll be working as a greeter at Wal-Mart in my 70s just to be able to eat. That is not what I want for my future.

Talking to ABM about this fear isn't going to do any good. He already believes that I worry too much. Besides, we were struggling financially before I lost my job. I know that we need every penny we can lay our hands on to stay afloat until I find more work. Keeping that money in a retirement fund would be incredibly selfish.

The imps are at it again

ABM purchased a Motorola Q through his job using his employee discount. He thought that I might want it instead of my Treo, but I was unimpressed. I just love my touch screen! We agreed to sell it on eBay to make a little cash. Today, ABM took it to work with him to play around with it a bit because it helps him in his job if he is familiar with a lot of different phones. I got a text message from him around lunchtime that said that he was thinking about giving it to M.

What?!? I feel very strongly that a 14-year-old does not need to own a mobile phone. Yes, I realize I am in the minority. However, I think a mobile phone is a luxury that you shouldn't own unless you can pay the bills. ABM has always agreed with me because he takes calls from customers all the time whose kids have run up insane bills. Our calling plan is quite generous because it is through ABM's job, but I think that is even worse. M would become accustomed to unlimited minutes and then be in for a rude awakening when she gets her own phone later.

Anyway, I talked to ABM and I think he has come back to his senses as far as giving M the phone. So how do the imps play into this? M's PDA is now playing up. The touch screen won't work properly so she can't get access to her information. Unlike the Treo, her Zire 72 is unusable if the touch screen is unresponsive. So ABM is going to think that he really should give her the Q now. Arrgh!

Are you really surprised?

I am Mr Do. I am sedentary by nature, enjoying passive entertainment, eating when the mood takes me, and playing with my food. I try to avoid conflict, but when I'm angered, I can be a devil - if you force me to fight, I will crush you. With apples. What Video Game Character Are You?

Poor DJ

I've worried for a while about DJ and his seeming lack of "guy" skills. He interacts well with girls his age and does OK when he is one-on-one with a boy his age. However, he doesn't seem to integrate well in groups of boys.

The kids got out of school early today and the weather is beautiful. Several of the neighborhood kids, boys and girls, are playing outside. I just looked out the window and saw all the boys shooting baskets with the father of one of the boys -- except for DJ. He is leaning against the van, watching. If he was playing with his sisters, he would push his way in and grab the ball for a turn. With boys, he seems to be intimidated and just stands on the sidelines. I hope he doesn't inherit my difficulty with social situations.

-------------------------------------------

OK, I looked out the window again and feel better about what I see. DJ has gotten into a pogo-stick contest with the new boy who just moved here from AZ. This kid is WAY more rough-and-tumble than DJ, but he goes out of his way to include DJ in things. He doesn't have to do that because he's made several more friends since starting school, but he still hangs out with DJ. Perhaps some of his fearlessness will rub off on DJ.

On the Road to Ubuntu

Some would say that one of my most self-defeating qualities is to take on new challenges when I am already overburdened. I don't mean the inability to say "no" to others or putting myself last, which seems to be a common failing among women. I'm talking about teaching myself a new hobby or something when I should be putting more effort toward household responsibilities. I guess it is my version of burying my head in the sand.

My latest avoidance tactic is to learn about Linux. DJ's computer has been playing up, and I've been working with it on and off for a couple months. This morning, I got out the Windows XP disc to do a repair install. I got fed up when that didn't work and decided to do a clean install. That didn't work, either. After a little research, I concluded that the install wouldn't work due to damage on my CD. So now I have a computer with no operating system and no way to get another Windows disc to try. What a perfect time to try out Linux!

Those darn imps

If I believed that my life was important enough for Satan to send his imps after me, then I would definitely be cursing them today. I finally woke up with a clear vision of the work that needs to be done around here and the desire to complete it. So why do I feel like someone is standing on my lower back? I ignored the discomfort long enough to do a bit of housework while the kids were getting ready for school, but I had to give up when the pain shot down to my foot. The kids are out of school this Friday, so I guess I'll be playing supervisor. Thank heaven that they are now old enough to take orders!

Wanker and Wherewithal

Strange phrases come out of my mouth when I am lecturing my children. Most women find themselves repeating admonitions that their own mothers spouted years ago. The situations my mother warned me about don't apply to my own children, so I find myself creating my own family catchphrases and euphemisms.

Today's phrase is "wanker and wherewithal". The kids have blossomed to the point that they can't walk around in their undies anymore. As I was explaining to DJ why he couldn't sit on the couch in his tightie whities, it seemed too precious to call his budding boyhood a "pee-pee". The word "wanker" tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop it. Tonight, I had to explain to M that she couldn't wear that sheer nightgown unless she paired it with an undershirt. Of course, she pointed to DJ. "Wanker and wherewithal" was born -- new shorthand for telling the lot of them to cover their bits.

Tasty Homework

On the lunch menu today is leftover lomo saltado, courtesy of M's Spanish project. She's been wanting to cook for a Spanish project for the past two years, but I've always made her do a written report instead. I was thinking of when I was in high school and students had to actually bring the dish to class; there was no way M could manage that with the two bus exchanges she has to make.

Enter technology. The teacher said that the food itself didn't have to be brought in as long as the student proved that she cooked it herself. So M decided to make a video. The kids are all big fans of Rachael Ray, so they loved the idea of creating their own cooking show.

This video turned out to be a family affair in the kitchen, which I think is appropriate for a project concerning a segment of Latin culture. I played sous chef while C1 was the cinematographer, C2 was in charge of taking stills, and DJ was the PA. We used the Digital Blue American Idol video cameras that I bought the kids for Christmas and ABM's cell phone (Treo 700p) for stills. I don't know anything about video editing, but C2 has been playing around with it for a little while so I think we may pull it off. If we totally mess up the video, we still have the stills that we can turn into a slide show with captions. Hopefully, M will get a good grade for this.

(BTW, I did not pay $79 each for those videocameras! I got mine for $14 each on eBay, and that included shipping.)

My tiny claim to fame

If you live in the Portland, Maine area and can tune in to WMPG, you have a chance to hear a few seconds of my voice. On Thursday (08 Mar 07), a dramatization of Tee Morris' short story "Reality Check" will air at 1p EST as part of the series Radio Drama Revival. I have a small part as a ghostly voice towards the end. I believe the radio station's website also streams audio, so those who don't live in Maine can join the fun!