I have an online friend who is a SAHM. Whenever something strikes her fancy, she updates her blog. Her posts aren't masterpieces. They are just tidbits about what is on her mind or going on that day. Why can't I be like her? I'm always second-guessing every single post I make, to the point that it sometimes takes me two hours to write three paragraphs.
You know the expression, "open the floodgates"? I feel like that needs to happen in my creative life. The number one rule of being a writer is that you have to actually write. I take so much time overanalyzing what I want to put on the page that I never get it out. My mind is bottled up.
I am going to try an experiment tomorrow. I am going to leave Blogger open so that it will be easier for me to post whenever I have a thought. Let's see how that works out. It could be brilliant -- or TMI.
28 February 2007
25 February 2007
Cha Cha, anyone?
If any of my readers are Master Guides on Cha Cha, please consider giving me an invite. I enjoy doing internet searches and I think I could be an asset to your network. Thanks!
23 February 2007
Searching for Inspiration
It is pretty bad when you feel frumpy in your sleep. I woke up at 4a and couldn't shake that hopeless feeling. My back hurt, my body was lumpy, and my feet were snagging on the blanket because the skin was so dry. I didn't get around to touching up my perm yet, either. Old, fat, and worthless -- that was the refrain running through my head in the wee hours of the morning.
In an attempt to turn things around, I am going to take a hot bath. I'm hoping that a hot soak in the tub will wash away the emotional ickiness I've been carrying around with me this week. That "can-do" attitude seems to be eluding me. I want to find it quickly so that I can catch up on some projects around the house. My fear is that I will find a job soon and my opportunity will be lost. Once I go back to work, I won't have the energy to clean out closets, do extra workouts, or finish art projects with the kids.
In an attempt to turn things around, I am going to take a hot bath. I'm hoping that a hot soak in the tub will wash away the emotional ickiness I've been carrying around with me this week. That "can-do" attitude seems to be eluding me. I want to find it quickly so that I can catch up on some projects around the house. My fear is that I will find a job soon and my opportunity will be lost. Once I go back to work, I won't have the energy to clean out closets, do extra workouts, or finish art projects with the kids.
22 February 2007
Arrgh!
I know, I know -- I haven't been around much lately. And yes, this is supposed to be Poetry Thursday but there is no poetry. Ya see, what had happened was . . .
ABM asked me to troubleshoot his friend's PC so "we" could make a quick $50. No problem, I thought. It is turning out to be a big problem because the CPU keeps shutting off and it is difficult to turn back on. I spent most of last evening trying different things to diagnose the problem. Today I think I have it figured out, but the stupid machine cut off before I could actually fix it. The funny thing is that the shutting-off isn't the problem that the owner brought it to us to remedy.
Other than that, I have been job-hunting and trying to shake off this mysterious fatigue. There are so many tasks that I want to complete while I'm home (including blogging more often), but I am so tired every day. All I want to do is sleep. It occurred to me yesterday that I may be a bit sad as well. I'm feeling very fat and ugly these days, especially since I haven't had my hair done in a while. Perhaps if I can summon up the energy to touch up my perm, I'll feel more enthusiastic about other areas of my life.
ABM asked me to troubleshoot his friend's PC so "we" could make a quick $50. No problem, I thought. It is turning out to be a big problem because the CPU keeps shutting off and it is difficult to turn back on. I spent most of last evening trying different things to diagnose the problem. Today I think I have it figured out, but the stupid machine cut off before I could actually fix it. The funny thing is that the shutting-off isn't the problem that the owner brought it to us to remedy.
Other than that, I have been job-hunting and trying to shake off this mysterious fatigue. There are so many tasks that I want to complete while I'm home (including blogging more often), but I am so tired every day. All I want to do is sleep. It occurred to me yesterday that I may be a bit sad as well. I'm feeling very fat and ugly these days, especially since I haven't had my hair done in a while. Perhaps if I can summon up the energy to touch up my perm, I'll feel more enthusiastic about other areas of my life.
17 February 2007
Britney's New Start
I rarely talk about celebrity gossip on the blog because I don't like to fuel the media machine in that way, even a tiny bit. However, when the CNN report popped up on my home page about Britney Spears shaving her head, I had to say something.
Most of the commentary I've read has called Ms. Spears' new haircut a cry for help, but I wonder if that is true. I've heard of guys with locs shaving their head clean to symbolize a fresh start. Could it be that Britney is trying to take a new direction? With the bald head, she resembles a monk more than a party girl. Perhaps she will develop a more contemplative attitude to go along with the new 'do.
Most of the commentary I've read has called Ms. Spears' new haircut a cry for help, but I wonder if that is true. I've heard of guys with locs shaving their head clean to symbolize a fresh start. Could it be that Britney is trying to take a new direction? With the bald head, she resembles a monk more than a party girl. Perhaps she will develop a more contemplative attitude to go along with the new 'do.
16 February 2007
"Grease: You're the One That I Want"
Yes, I am watching another reality show. Shoot me! I am a sucker for show tunes and reality shows where people actually have to exhibit a skill, and this one has both. For those of you not familiar with the show, a British financier wants to mount a new production of the musical "Grease" and he is searching for the lead roles of Danny and Sandy through an American Idol-style televised talent search.
Lest you think Grease: You're the One That I Want is a fromage-fest like that dreadful Dirty Dancing show, this show seems to have some Broadway cred behind it. The episode I watched today had Andrew Lloyd Webber on the panel. I skipped the beginning of the series, because on these shows the first few episodes are usually fraught with manufactured and heavily-edited drama.
Right now they are down to six guys and six gals. What prompted me to write about it was that the first elimination was so touching. They had the eliminated guy and gal sing a snippet from Grease, with the remaining contestants laying hands on them. I know they are all actors, but it was the best good-bye I've seen on one of these shows. I can't wait to watch next week!
Lest you think Grease: You're the One That I Want is a fromage-fest like that dreadful Dirty Dancing show, this show seems to have some Broadway cred behind it. The episode I watched today had Andrew Lloyd Webber on the panel. I skipped the beginning of the series, because on these shows the first few episodes are usually fraught with manufactured and heavily-edited drama.
Right now they are down to six guys and six gals. What prompted me to write about it was that the first elimination was so touching. They had the eliminated guy and gal sing a snippet from Grease, with the remaining contestants laying hands on them. I know they are all actors, but it was the best good-bye I've seen on one of these shows. I can't wait to watch next week!
13 February 2007
What? Why?
Today, I decided to attack the mounds of clean laundry that have overtaken the exercise room. I picked up the largest basket with the most overflow to take into my room for folding. It was very heavy, but I didn't think much of it. After all, there was a lot of laundry in there and I am out of shape. When I got to the bottom of the basket, what did I find? Two 5-lb weights!
04 February 2007
Sunday Scribblings: Goodbyes
This is going to be a week of goodbyes for me. My current job ends on Friday. Just as with my past jobs, I'm not sad about leaving the work but I will miss the people. There aren't as many people for me to miss on this job as there was on the last one, but I will have a few farewells to say all the same. I try not to get too attached to my coworkers because I always feel like I won't be on a job for very long. All those years as a perpetual office temp must have done that to me. However, I always manage to make one or two friends, no matter how anti-social I try to be.
My biggest fear is that I may also have to say goodbye to my home. ABM is panicking about my ability to find another job and is talking about putting the house up for sale. This house wasn't even my choice, but I will hate to leave it. Not so much for myself, but for the kids. The thought of uprooting them from their school and all their friends makes me sick to my stomach.
Another big goodbye that I am dealing with is saying farewell to my image of myself. I've been trying for the past year to adjust to turning 40. That means that I'm a grown-up, right? Why don't I feel like an adult? At this age, people expect a sense of self-assurance that I don't have yet. I see women on talk shows all the time talking about how great it is to be over 40 because they don't have the insecurities that they had when they were 20-something. I'm still trying to say "so long" to those insecurities but I can't shake them. I'm still looking for someone to take care of me when I should be taking care of myself.
My biggest fear is that I may also have to say goodbye to my home. ABM is panicking about my ability to find another job and is talking about putting the house up for sale. This house wasn't even my choice, but I will hate to leave it. Not so much for myself, but for the kids. The thought of uprooting them from their school and all their friends makes me sick to my stomach.
Another big goodbye that I am dealing with is saying farewell to my image of myself. I've been trying for the past year to adjust to turning 40. That means that I'm a grown-up, right? Why don't I feel like an adult? At this age, people expect a sense of self-assurance that I don't have yet. I see women on talk shows all the time talking about how great it is to be over 40 because they don't have the insecurities that they had when they were 20-something. I'm still trying to say "so long" to those insecurities but I can't shake them. I'm still looking for someone to take care of me when I should be taking care of myself.
03 February 2007
Ayiti: Socially Conscious Gaming
In the February issue of Marie Claire magazine, I found a link to a game called Ayiti: The Cost of Life. It was created by a group of high school students to illustrate how difficult it is for poor families to stay on top of finances, education, and health. It follows four years broken down into sixteen seasons, and you have to assign each of the family members a new task each season. Either they go to work, go to school, go to the hospital, or stay at home to rest. Random events pop up that will affect the family positively or negatively.
I'm a fan of the recent crop of casual games, and this has a similar style. It reminds me a bit of Lemonade Stand, in that the player makes all of the decisions at the beginning of the season and then watches how they play out. The difference is that the flavor text throughout the game made me think about consequences that a real family in Haiti would face without being preachy. There isn't a clear strategy to win this game, either. At the beginning, it gives you a choice of four strategies you can follow. However, if you play this game more than once you will see that it doesn't matter which strategy you pick -- getting ahead is difficult. If you choose to focus on any one element, you still have to worry about the other three. Just like real life.
I'm a fan of the recent crop of casual games, and this has a similar style. It reminds me a bit of Lemonade Stand, in that the player makes all of the decisions at the beginning of the season and then watches how they play out. The difference is that the flavor text throughout the game made me think about consequences that a real family in Haiti would face without being preachy. There isn't a clear strategy to win this game, either. At the beginning, it gives you a choice of four strategies you can follow. However, if you play this game more than once you will see that it doesn't matter which strategy you pick -- getting ahead is difficult. If you choose to focus on any one element, you still have to worry about the other three. Just like real life.
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