04 February 2006
Here we go again! By the time New Year's Day rolled around, I had gained back the few pounds I lost last year. That means that I started 2006 at 265, which makes me 100 pounds overweight. As you can see by the ticker, I've lost a few pounds since that day. The only change I've made is drinking more water. Some would say what I lost is water weight, but I know the truth. Drinking water causes me to have more bowel movements, so I've pooped away three pounds. I wonder how much more weight I would lose if I went for a fancy colon cleanse. (Say it with me: Ewwww, gross!)
Since this is my first health update of the year, let me give you a snapshot of where I stand now. Besides being overweight, my body has become its own barrier to exercise. I have a myriad of strange symptoms that pop up now when I attempt to move. My lower back starts to hurt if I do housework for more than 10 minutes. The soles of my feet hurt when I try to walk for exercise. My knees buckle under me more frequently. I have numbness in my legs that comes and goes at the oddest times. Recently I started having a strange burning in my thighs that feels like I am standing too close to a heating element. (Don't say it: I'm not going to a doctor because I don't have any health insurance.) These symptoms frustrate me because I feel that most of them would go away if I wasn't carrying all this extra weight.
Finding a balance with food is still a struggle. Today I am in the proper frame of mind to eat nutritious food. I just ate two vegetables with dinner, which is unusual for me. After a period of healthy eating, though, I find myself wanting to rebel. So I go through cycles of eating healthy for three weeks, then throwing it all out the window by eating anything that can't run away from me for months. If I could somehow make the healthy eating cycle longer and the crazy eating cycle shorter, then I might have some success in improving my health.
What does all this mean for where I'm going, healthwise? I don't know. I do know that I don't want to try another diet or another plan. I don't want to think about carbs, calories, fat grams, points, etc. Want to know a secret about this fat gal? I don't think about food all day. That may be hard to believe considering how much I weigh, but it's true. The only time my mind is consumed with thoughts of food is when I am trying to stick to a plan. Trying to stick to my prescribed amount of calories/points/whatever makes me think about all the foods I can't eat. Even if I say that I am going to allow myself to eat XYZ today and go back to my plan tomorrow, I feel guilty for not sticking to the plan. I don't ever want some numbers on a piece of paper to make me feel guilty about what I put in my mouth again.
Exercise seems to be the only answer. As much as it hurts, I am going to make myself move. I can't let myself spend another weekend in bed from sunup to sundown. If I continue to do that, then I know that one day I won't be able to get up. Last year's mantra was "I want to have sex until I'm 80". This year I am adding one I stole from author Haven Kimmel: "She got up off the couch." I don't know how much I will be able to do once I leave the couch, but I'm getting up anyway.