NaPoWriMo 2017 Day 13

I’m sorry that I missed a few days of NaPoWriMo; life got in the way and I haven’t been able to make writing a priority yet. Anyway, today’s prompt from NaPoWriMo.net is to write a ghazal. I’ve never even heard of that form before, but I think I can use it to write about what is on my mind today.

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So many things to do, but her hand is numb.

She wants to do them all, but her hand is numb.

Motivation has to claw and fight its way out

And make a stand against the numb.

Will he show his anger towards her

Or present a passive face that is numb?

She tries to explain but it is never enough

To make him believe she is numb.

Dani beats her hand against her thigh

But she can’t hasten the retreat; her hand is numb.

--Dani M. Sanders, 13 Apr 2017

NaPoWriMo #4

Step into the light, he told them.

Why are you fighting in the streets,

Doing the enemy's work

By killing each other

So he doesn't have to get his hands dirty?

Don't make it easy for him.

Be the beacon

Be the change

Be the voice of reason

That shows the enemy

We are human, too.

--Dani M. Sanders, 04 Apr 2017

NaPoWriMo #3: Elegy

Today's poem comes from another NaPoWriMo prompt. The challenge is to write a poem about someone or something that is no longer with us.

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She didn't like to read
But words were her friends.
To her they were shapes
Hidden in a forest of letters
Waiting for her to seek them out
And corral them with her pen.
She was often seen
With books of flimsy newsprint
In her gnarled hands
Circling the mysterious words
Without knowing their meaning.
Or so we thought.
Piles of scrap paper were found
After she was gone,
With language that she never used
In daily conversation
Scrawled across the pages,
Words that belonged to her
Once she'd captured them
In the word-search woods.

--Dani M. Sanders, 03 Apr 2017

NaPoWriMo 2017 #2: Recipe

Today I used a prompt from NaPoWriMo.net to create my poem. The poem is supposed to be in the form of a recipe, either real or imaginary.

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"There's nothing in here to eat."
That's what she used to say
When confronted with
A nearly empty larder and
A burgeoning hunger.
What she was really saying was
"Feed me,
Soothe me,
Take care of me."
But after many years of this
He stopped coming to her rescue
With packages from diners and dives.
When was she going to
Feed him,
Soothe him,
Take care of him?
So she gathered those scraps
She thought were nothing --
Half an onion
Handfuls of spinach
Beef broth
Bruised tomatoes
Diced garlic
Dashes of spices
Angel hair pasta
All her prayers --
Sauteed them with sense,
Stirred them with soothing,
And served them with care.

--Dani M. Sanders, 02 Apr 2017

NaPoWriMo 2017 #1: April Fool

April is here and poetry is in the air! Depending on where you check, this is either National Poetry Month or National Poetry Writing Month. I will be embracing a little of each on this blog by posting some of my own poetry as well as some work by other poets that I like. Honestly, my decision to write more poetry just came to me last week, so I am not exactly prepared but I will jump right in, anyway. You've been warned.

Since this is the first day of April, I challenged myself to write a poem with the phrase "April fool" in it. As usual, any constructive criticism is welcome.

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April fool.
Trusting pawn.
Waiting for him
From dusk till dawn.
Knowing your faith
Was wasted again
On flashing eyes
On dancing hips
On enticing lies
From sensuous lips.
Spring ignites
Your passion's fire
Makes you believe
A man's desire
Is steadfast
Is true
Is at long last
Promising you love.

--Dani M. Sanders, 01 Apr 2017

Poetry Thursday: Failed Career

This poem was tossed off in between household chores, so I know that it needs work. Right now I'm trying to keep to my routine of writing regularly; I promise I will start focusing on quality soon.


FAILED CAREER

I couldn't be a dancer
But I made my words
Hop and skip and jump
With tap shoes laced.

I couldn't be a singer
But I made my words
Rise and swoop and soar
With vocal grace.

I couldn't be an actor
But I made my words
Laugh and flirt and preach
With dramatic pace.

I never thought to be a writer
And now all I can do is
Sigh and cry and wonder why
I lost my place.

--Dani M. Sanders, 30 Mar 2017

Needlework: 2017 Progress Report

The last six months have been more productive than usual for me, as far as needlework goes. My former neighbor moved back to the area and we've been meeting regularly to keep each other encouraged as far as working on projects. I know that makes needlework sound like an obligation, but it isn't like that. In my case, I often sit around daydreaming about all the projects I want to complete while I'm playing iPad games and watching YouTube videos. Then I feel bad for letting another day/week/month pass by without doing anything productive. Knowing that I'll be meeting up with someone regularly to show off my progress has helped me reclaim some of that wasted time.

To add to that feeling of accomplishment, I thought I would resurrect this blog once again and start posting my progress. So here is my needlework progress report.

First up is my Retro Trek Pot Holder. I am using a free pattern by Ilana McDonald, and the yarn is Lily's Sugar N Cream. I don't make pot holders and dishcloths that often, but this one is stitched using the double knitting technique. There is a baby blanket that was knit by First Lady Lou Henry Hoover back in the 1930s that I have wanted to make since Knitty published the pattern in 2003, and it uses double knitting. I thought that it would be prudent to learn the technique on a smaller project first, and this one was ideal since ABM and I were Star Trek: TNG fans back in the 1980s.

I am halfway through and I must say, I will be glad to see the back of this project. The double knitting technique is simple enough, but working from a chart makes for slow going, at least for me. I'm never confident that I am getting my stitch count right so I am always counting and recounting. Not exactly mindless knitting, this. Still, I will be happy to have the finished object hanging in my kitchen. The fabric is cushy and thick and I think it will make a nice pot holder.

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The other project I am actively working on is an afghan based on the cartoon Avatar: The Last Airbender. The pattern I am using, a free pattern called Avatar: The Four Elements, consists of four giant squares that are then joined together and finished off with a border. I am using the charts and the suggested yarn listed, but I'm not using the same stitch pattern. What had happened was . . .

I have gone through a mini odyssey with this pattern! I ordered the yarn and started with the Water square (light blue and dark blue) around Aug 2015, following the pattern as written. It didn't take me long to realize that I didn't like carrying both yarns together all the way through; it felt like a waste of yarn and I could see the dark blue through the light blue stitches. So I went on to attempt #2 and decided to knit the square and use the intarsia method for the colorwork. That felt like it was taking too long. I went on to attempt #3 which was to knit the entire square in stockinette stitch using the background color and then use duplicate stitch to add the design. Clearly, I underestimated how slow I am as a knitter because I became exasperated before I got 1/3 of the way through knitting the background. Since the ultimate goal is to have two blankets (one for each of the twins), I started attempt #4 and #5 at the same time: one in corner-to-corner crochet and one in Tunisian crochet. And so far the winning method is . . . Tunisian crochet!

I couldn't fit the entire square in the photo, but it is roughly half the width of my California King bed. My daughter will definitely be able to wrap herself up in this blanket. The yarn is plain ol' Red Heart Super Saver that I ordered from Joann.com (sidebar: ordering online is a good option if you are looking for specific Red Heart colors, and there are a LOT of them).

The Tunisian crochet feels like it is going so much more quickly than the other methods. Despite having as many bobbins as the c2c crochet, it doesn't feel as fiddly. The one issue that slowed me down was having too many stitches on my afghan hook. It occurred to me that, even though I like doing Tunisian crochet, I kept putting off working on this project because it was uncomfortable working with all those stitches on the forward pass. I finally gave in and bought an afghan hook with a long cable at the end so the stitches won't be bunched up.

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Like a lot of people, I have a problem with starting projects because I am interested in the technique but then I never finish them. One suggestion my stitchy pal gave me is something I should have thought of myself, but it is really working. I made a list of 10 projects. I can work on one project or all of the projects at the same time, but I can't add another project until I finish one. The list is keeping me focused without making me feel like I am constrained; the quickest way to make me stop stitching altogether is if I tell myself that I have to stick to one project. Here is the list that I am working on now:

Loom knit half-finger gloves (WIP)
Tunisian crochet Avatar afghan for C1 (WIP)
Deadpool afghan for DJ
Double-knit Star Trek pot holder (WIP)
Short-sleeve cardigan for C2
Patons socks #1
Patons socks #2
Patons socks #3
Tunisian crochet Avatar afghan in reverse colors for C2

I'm thinking about frogging the half-finger gloves because I've let them sit for so long that I can't figure out where I left off in the pattern. For the three pairs of socks, I bought the Patons Stretch cotton yarn over five years ago to make socks for my daughters, but I haven't decided on patterns yet. They may end up being plain vanilla socks, but I want to use this opportunity to try different sock techniques.

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So that's my progress report. Hopefully, I will continue to make headway on my list instead of fizzling out.

Poetry Thursday: Rituals

This week, on World Poetry Day (21 Mar), I spent a good bit of time sifting through old poetry posts on this blog. It was a reminder that (a) one of my goals for 2017 was to write more, and (b) it has been about 10 years since I've written any poetry. Even though the original Poetry Thursday project stopped updating in 2007, the blog is still active and I thought I would start mining their archives for prompts to get myself writing poetry again.

Since this was a last-minute decision, I won't be posting anything new today. Instead, I'm posting a 29-year-old poem that I am guessing is closest to the type of poetry I would write today. I couldn't resist the urge to do some light editing. When I was 18 I thought it was more impactful to put only two or three words on each line, but now that style looks stilted to me. I left the actual wording alone, though. Feel free to post any constructive criticism in the comments.

RITUALS

Every morning,
Without fail,
She stands at the bus stop
Waiting for the 7:20.
And every morning,
Without fail,
He passes by her on his 10-speed bicycle,
Heading for the cafe on the corner
Where he works.
She inhales deeply his cologne
Which lingers in the air
And raises her hand in greeting
While a hesitant smile plays across her lips.
He returns her wave nonchalantly
And turns his head towards the traffic.
She turns away also,
Hoping that he can't see
The air of longing hovering over her
Like a summer storm cloud
About to burst.

--Dani M. Sanders, 14 Apr 1988

Finally working on my February square

This has not been an easy month for me. My MS symptoms, which have been non-existent for months, are showing up again. The symptoms are mild compared to what others with this condition suffer with, but they are still annoying to me. Add them to the daily misery of my job, and I haven't had much motivation to work on my afghan squares. Then this week, I started getting yarn fever again so I finally got started on my February square. I'm still feeling a bit down, but I think I would feel worse if I didn't meet my goal of finishing at least one square a month.

As usual, my photography skills are sub-par. The yellow is true, but the outside color that shows as blue is actually purple. I'm trying to find a green that I like in my stash to be the background for this flower. I want to utilize what I have on hand rather than buy more, so I may end up using a shade I am not totally satisfied with. My instincts with color are not the best; I may dislike the color in the individual square, but the combination of colors in the finished afghan usually grows on me. I shall push forward through my misgivings so the project won't grind to a halt.

Finally over the Barley Malaise (Shawl); Working on WIPs

Completed Black Death shawl
Originally uploaded by daniinnc2010

Finally, a finished object! I started this shawl two months ago as a thank-you gift to my neighbor/pal HK, and optimistically thought that I could finish it in a week. Ha!

I called it Barley Malaise as a play on the name of the pattern (Black Death). Technically it is a shawlette, but HK is so tiny that on her it is a shawl. The yarn is Lion Brand Vanna's Choice Tweeds in the Barley colorway. It is a pleasant yarn to work with, but some people may not like it because it is 92% acrylic and 8% rayon. I didn't bother blocking the shawl because with all that acrylic I knew a wet blocking wouldn't work. It came out of the dryer looking pretty nice and much bigger, so I didn't iron it as I originally intended.

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Around the same time that I started this project, I also decided to either frog or finish the other projects that have been hanging around in my cabinet for years. Yes, I know I've said this before. However, a few serious talks with ABM have focused my mind on the issue of consistency and following through. I'm getting better at being consistent with my exercise (more on that later), and this has caused me to look around at other parts of my life that I want to tighten up. Needlework is next on the list. I can't keep calling myself a knitter if I don't ever knit!

In a knitty mood

It is 80 degrees outside, and all I can think about is hats and scarves and finger-less gloves. It is too hot for me to be handling yarn, but I'm in a knitting mood nonetheless. I braved our stifling hot storage shed in the backyard yesterday to paw through my two containers of yarn for some project inspiration. It took great restraint to only bring in one skein because every yarn I saw gave me new ideas. I had to remind myself that all the yarn will still be there, so I don't have to clutter my bedroom with several projects' worth of yarn right now.

One thing that put me in this mood was running across the Knifty Knitter looms that ABM bought several years ago. I was resistant to using them back then because I was a little snobbish about being a "proper" needle knitter. Now I am more willing to embrace any tools that scratch that crafty itch and give me the results I want. There are a lot of Knifty Knitter projects that look way too bulky for my taste, but they aren't all like that. I completed a bottle cozy last week that I liked a lot:



This cozy is in Mars Hill Lions' colors, the football team at M's college. My goal is to make a few and have M sell them when she goes back to school in the fall. She is a pretty good salesperson; she sold five times as much band booster chocolate as her fellow band members. It may be a long shot, but at this point I am willing to try anything to give M some extra spending money. Most knitters are against crafting for money because they say that they can't sell the items for the amount that their time is really worth. That is true, but all I can think of is the long tradition of people doing whatever they can to pay the bills. Some people call that "getting your hustle on" and my needlework skills are the only thing I have to hustle right now.

A looming deadline can do wonders

Dots and Dashes Shrug in progress
Originally uploaded by daniinnc2010

Sometimes the pressure of a deadline can help me meet a goal. Not always, mind you, but sometimes it works in my favor.

C1 wanted a shrug to wear with her sleeveless dresses in the evenings on our upcoming cruise. A cruise may sound glamorous, but we scrimp and save and eat ramen for days during the run up to our cruise so there usually isn't extra money to buy new clothes and whatnot. We saw a couple shrugs in the shops for about $15 and I knew I could make her one for less. So of course I promised to make my girl a shrug, and in my usual manner I lost interest in the project as soon I had finished crocheting the first couple rows.

Here we are now, 10 days away from setting sail, and all of a sudden I am in love with this project. The first thing I wanted to do when I woke up this morning was get a cup of coffee and start crocheting. I have no doubt that I will be finished by the end of this week, if not by the end of today.

ABM is skeptical. He asked me outright last night whether I would finish in time, with a doubtful smirk on his face. Frankly, I can't blame him for not having faith in me. I'm sure that all he sees in his mind is the list of projects I started with great enthusiasm and then abandoned a week later. Still, his certainty that I will never accomplish anything hurts me a little.

From my point of view, there is always a good reason why I abandon a project. I like the beginnings and the ends, but the middle of a project bores me. That's why I slow down when I get to the part of the pattern that says something like "knit stockinette until the piece measures 20 inches". It seems like 20 inches is going to take forever, so I do a row or two a day and then move on to something else. Once I get to the 18" mark, all of a sudden I'm excited about the project again.

I really want to have more handmade items in my house and my wardrobe, so I have to get over this deficiency. I've tried having more than one project on the go, but that irritates ABM because he sees me buying materials but then never sees anything come of them. I guess the only way to do it is to barrel through.

I miss pork and other thoughts

--Tonight M is cooking pork chops, caramelized onions, and homemade mashed potatoes. I basically gave her the instructions and set her free in the kitchen. At 19 she is still acting like she is a baby who needs to have her hand held through everything, and I'm not buying it any more. M spent nine months living without us at uni and got along fine, so while she is home for the summer I am throwing her into the deep end of the pool and forcing her to swim. Hopefully tonight's meal will be edible.

--Speaking of pork chops, I didn't realize until recently how much I miss eating pork. The kids and I really enjoy pork tenderloin and thick pork chops, but we rarely get them. We buy ground beef and chicken almost exclusively because those are the two least expensive meats at the market. I keep seeing blogs where people talk about finding chops for 99 cents a pound but I never see them in the circulars for less than $2.99 a pound. To be fair, I don't look at the circulars every single week but now that I am unemployed I should probably start, especially if I want to have pork more often than once every few months.

--Last night we were catching up on America's Got Talent and the getting-to-know-you package for one of the acts made me think about my goals for our house. The leader of the Aurora Light Painters gave a tour of his home and commented that he and his wife made a rule about only hanging art that they created themselves on the walls. That is something I would really like to do, but I can't seem to make that step. My biggest fear is wasting money. When I am working full time I don't have the energy to pour into creative projects, but when I am unemployed money is too tight to spend on art supplies. Still, that urge to create won't go away. I've got to find a way to create something out of materials we have on hand.

On My Lack of Creativity

For weeks, I've been mulling over the idea of creating some wall hangings for the house. I mean, I've had this idea for a couple years, but it has taken over my thoughts lately. Over the past year, ABM has laid new wood floors throughout the house and remodeled the kitchen. It may sound antiquated, but deep down I still think that the family home is a reflection on the woman of the house and I don't feel like I've put much of a stamp on our home.

Anyway, I want to make something rather than buy something. The hitch is that I am more of a crafter than an artist. In my mind, a crafter has the skills to follow a pattern or a set of directions and end up with a decent finished object while an artist can recreate something that only exists in her head. I want something other than "Wal-Mart art" on our walls, but I don't know how to get there. My original thought was to create something using fabric or yarn because I've worked with those materials before, but what am I going to do -- hang a sweater on my wall?

I've always felt like a creative person, but when it comes down to it I'm really not. Many times I've thought that I could start my own business doing this or that, but it doesn't take much research to find hundreds of other people who are already doing it and doing it well. When I was younger I thought I wanted to be a writer, but now I realize that I would be better at editing someone else's work than writing my own because there is no way I could come up with a plot. When it comes to art, I know that I like playing with color and seeing how different colors look up against each other but I don't know how to turn that into an object that I can hang on the wall to beautify my home.

There is a desire in me to make something with my own hands, but is that enough to make me a creative person?

Don't Just Think About It -- Do It!

This month I will be attempting to post something on at least one of my blogs every day. I think about writing all the time but I seldom do it. I've fallen into all the traps: I need to be "in the mood", my life isn't exciting enough to write about, I don't have the time, etc. Yet the number one advice for improving your writing is to actually write. So I am going to take this month to get into the habit of daily wordsmithing.

What does this mean to you, gentle reader? Well, I also want to break my fear of posting, so a bunch of gobbledy-gook may end up on this page. Hopefully, it will get better as the month goes on!

Catch-up on Reverb 10: Days 15-18

This catch-up post is a bit of a cheat. I don't have much to say for prompts 15-17, so I have decided to skip them. I could have made an attempt to write something, but then that would have just made me put off posting because I really didn't have much to offer on those subjects. My whole goal is to write more often. So let's move on to prompt 18, shall we?

Day 18 prompt:

Try.
What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn’t go for it?
(Author: Kaileen Elise)

There are several things I would like to try in 2011. These are the two that are uppermost in my mind.

--I want to tackle more of the home improvement tasks here at la maison. Usually I depend on ABM to handle all the "manly" tasks like rehanging a door or mowing the lawn. Now I feel like I want to give these jobs a try.

--I want to make some wall hangings. Even though we've lived here for 10 years, much of the house still looks like we are living in temporary housing where the landlord says that you can't hammer a nail into the wall. I want to add more evidence that we live here while stretching my creative muscle at the same time.

The bottom line is that I want 2011 to be the year that my creativity bursts forth. I've said that in the past, but I've let worries about housework and other duties push that desire to the side. Hopefully I won't do that this time around.

Craving a Sense of Accomplishment

The impending release of the movie Julie & Julia has me thinking about accomplishments (or the lack of them) in my life. I tried reading the book a while back, so I am familiar with the plot. (Notice I said I tried to read the book; I can't even finish that!) Julie Powell feels that her career and life are going nowhere, so she tries to revitalize herself by tackling a big project: cooking every recipe in Julia Child's Mastering the Art of French Cooking and blogging about the results. In the book, Julie's stories are interspersed with anecdotes about Julia Child's life and how she found herself through cooking.

So what does this have to do with my life? Deep inside, there is a part of me that wishes I could do that. Often I look at my life and feel like I haven't finished anything bigger than a sandwich. The idea of working through a book or list like that is impressive. The knowledge that Powell gained from trying all those different techniques must be gratifying, as well. I want to feel that sense of accomplishment that comes with getting to the end of a big project. I want to be able to say to people, "Yes, I am very familiar with XYZ." I'd love to have something -- anything -- to put in that part of the job applications that says, "Do you have any other accomplishments or certifications?"

Another aspect of the project that appeals to me is the blogging. I've been writing this blog for eight years and I still don't feel like I have a sense of direction. Doing something like knitting every pattern in a book or watching every movie on a list would give me a framework. I wouldn't be wondering what I am going to write every day and my readers (you fanatical few) would know what you are getting when you visit my blog.

The real question is, do I want it enough? I'm not sure. The few times I've attempted something like this, I've run out of steam before I even hit the halfway mark. Perhaps I am like the kid who wants to be a famous musician but doesn't want to practice her instrument. On the other hand, maybe I just haven't found the project that will ignite my passion.

Less Twitter, More Blogger

After two years of almost daily Twitter use, it has occurred to me that Twitter and Blogger do not coexist well for me. More accurately, my life is not exciting enough for me to post on Twitter and Blogger. I have three blogs and if I post on them several times a week, I have nothing to talk about on Twitter other than what I'm eating. Since meal tweets are apparently uncool now, that leaves me with no content. The reverse is also true. When I was tweeting all the time, it took a lot of creative energy to compress my thoughts to 140 characters. That didn't leave much in the tank for me to draw from when I wanted to post to one of my blogs.

This doesn't mean that I am abandoning Twitter altogether. Now that the service has gone mainstream, many TV shows and products have Twitter accounts that give useful alerts and inside info. So instead of using Twitter as a pseudo-chatroom where I have conversations with my online friends during the day, it has become a source of entertainment as I read spoilers from TV Guide or whacked-out tweets from actors like Kirstie Alley.

I believe that my blogging has improved now that I'm not tweeting several times an hour. This pleases me because I feel guilty about having my blogs sitting on a server somewhere, never being updated. In my fantasy, there are readers out there checking their RSS feeds daily and moaning, "Oh, man! Dani hasn't updated yet." Far be it from me to make my imaginary rabid fans suffer :-).

Blog Action Day: Go Visit AfriGadget.com

Even with advance notice, I struggled with what to write for Blog Action Day. I mean, I'm pretty good at blathering on about my favorite TV show or whining about my home life. If I tried to write a post on an important topic like poverty, I'm afraid that it would turn out like something my 10-year-old son DJ would write. "Poverty is bad. We should help poor people." So I've decided to do what I do best and point you to one of my favorite websites.

AfriGadget is, in their own words, "a website dedicated to showcasing African ingenuity". The bloggers over there show the creativity that poverty-stricken people are using to improve their lot in life. Some of the projects highlighted on the site:

--a hut in Kenya that used empty food bags as part of the construction
--people in crowded slums growing vegetables in plastic bags
--a group in Sierra Leone learning to make biodiesel from pine nuts.

Not all of the stories are about practicality or self-sufficiency. AfriGadget also features stories about how Africans make their own fun. There are many articles about art projects that use found materials and videographers creating their own equipment.

Reading a site like AfriGadget does two things. First, it makes me want to give to a site like Kiva to help these ingenious people along. Second, it cuts short any pity party that I may have been having. In this time of economic crisis, I think that we would all do well to remember that there are people in worse situations that are still holding their heads high. Yes, there are people whose houses are in foreclosure who can't pull another penny from anywhere. However, many of us are feeling the pinch in ways that we can manage with a little creativity.

Poetry Thursday: Remembering Greensboro

Even though the Poetry Thursday blog is now defunct, I felt an urge to start talking about poetry again on Thursdays and possibly even write a bit. Who knows how long this urge will last -- I'm going with it for as long as I am inspired.

Anyway, a tweet from one of my followers on Twitter (shout-out to @guitarmantoo) made me think of the only trip I've ever taken to Greensboro. So I dashed off a quick poem about it. If you've read my other poetry, you know that I've done better than this. However, my current goal is to loosen up and post something every day without second-guessing myself so much.

REMEMBERING GREENSBORO

Caught a ride with a stranger
To meet a boy at A & T.
A boy who was a man to me
'Cause I was 15 when he was 20.

Waited three whole years, he did
To invite me up to A & T.
To protect my virtue, said he
Although there was little virtue left in me.

Stayed in a tiny room
On the campus of A & T,
Where we made love frequently
And spoke of poetry.

Images of him and me
And that room at A & T
Are all that I see
When I try to remember Greensboro.