28 May 2005

Health Update; The Rant Continues



Next week I am supposed to be changing my dinners, but I don't think I am ready. My snacking is still out of control, mainly when I get home from work. I'm going to stay at this stage of the Change One plan for another week to see if I can do a little better.

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Remember yesterday's rant? Well, I'm still not over it. After ABM told me that we were going to the park, I spent the rest of the evening trying to calm my anxiety. I kept reminding myself that this park is an institution in this area and all of their friends have been there, so I have to suck up my distaste for this sort of thing to give them a great summer memory. Little did I know that while I was trying to work up the courage to go, ABM had called the trip coordinator and told him to give my ticket to someone else! Now, don't get me wrong; I'm very relieved that I don't have to go. However, I'm sorry that I disappointed ABM. One of the sore spots in our marriage has been my inability to be spontaneous and do very social things. Large parties, group functions, crowds, and new experiences all make me feel like I can't breathe but I can get through them if I am given enough advance notice. ABM knows this, so I can't understand why he thought it would be better to wait until the last minute to spring this on me. He claims he did it so he wouldn't have to hear me talk about the trip for two weeks. Talking about it and visualizing worst-case scenarios (I call them "disaster fantasies") helps me turn the situation into something I can manage; unfortunately, it drives him nuts.

Anyway, ABM was cranky last night but I refused to take the full weight of this on myself. I reminded him that I would still be going if he hadn't jumped the gun and gave away my ticket. All he had to do was give me time to get used to the idea. He seemed to be in a better mood this morning, but as he walked out the door he shook his head and muttered, "Four kids at an amusement park." Hopefully, someone in the group will step up and help him. I just feel bad that I left him to handle four excited children on his own. He's a great dad and I know that he can manage, but he has a wife so he shouldn't have to do it alone.
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