Exercise: 17 min. (trampoline)
Yesterday, I went shopping for ABM's birthday presents. Today, I spent most of the morning with my stomach in knots. Those of you who have known me a while recognize the problem right away. I can't spend money. It makes me ill if I spend more than $20 on something that isn't food or underwear. Sometimes even a lesser amount will cause me anxiety. Prices like $4.50 for cold cream and $7 for hair removal cream are difficult for me to swallow. You would think that I grew up during the Depression for all the hand wringing I do before I get to the cash register.
An added dimension to this anxiety is my uncertainty about how ABM will receive the gifts. There was an item that I was certain he would like but it wasn't available locally. Giving him an IOU wasn't an option that I was comfortable with because I've been slack in the past and barely acknowledged his birthday during the troubled years of our marriage. An IOU would feel like another empty promise. Instead, I bought some things that he probably wouldn't think to get himself but I think he'll like it once he uses them. I spent about $80 altogether, which is a bit of a strain on our tight budget. Each of the kids has something to give him; they didn't pick the items out, but they are all things that will promote father-child togetherness.
I'm almost calm now. I just keep reminding myself that I have the receipt and he can take all of it back if he wants!