Permission to Relax

Do you have trouble giving yourself permission to do certain things? This is an issue that I struggle with all the time. My to-do list is always long, and I never know what tasks should be given a higher priority. No matter what I do, I feel guilty that I'm not doing something else.

I always seem to be tired and that slows me down, even more now than when I was younger. If I could clean the refrigerator in 30 minutes and move on to something else, then I could finish several tasks in a day or two and move on to other stuff. As it is now, it would take me two hours to give the fridge a thorough cleaning and then I would be so tired that I wouldn't do anything else for the rest of the day. This means that the house is never clean enough for me to handle other tasks without guilt.

Another problem is that I have trouble doing tasks that might look like a waste of time to others. Reading, playing games, knitting new patterns -- all of these activities provide fodder for my blogs which, if I'm lucky, will bring me a little extra income. However, I know it looks like I'm just fooling around so I keep putting these things off. This results in fewer posts for my blogs, and that minimizes my chances of making any pocket change off of them. Even if I am doing ChaCha, which definitely brings in some pennies, I feel bad because I'm not cleaning house.

ABM is no help. I would feel better if he gave me the go-ahead to write or knit even though the house isn't perfect. His stance is that I'm a grown woman who should have enough common sense to figure out what needs to be done without him giving me permission. He's right, of course; he's not my daddy. I just don't want to disappoint him.

On the bright side, I have four able-bodied kids who are learning how to do household chores. One of my goals is to make sure that they know more about keeping house than I did when I left home. This means that I've been moving into a supervisory position and letting them do more of the work this summer. Heaven help me when they all go back to school next month!