19 April 2011

MRIs and Shots -- When will this end?

It's been a year since my last set of MRIs, so I spent my morning in a metal tube. Up to this point I've had about four MRI sessions, but I've never been as anxious as I was today. After last year's mix-up -- I sat in the machine for 90 minutes only to be told a week later that I had to do it again because the scans weren't clear enough -- I was worried that I would be spending time in that tube for nothing.

Luckily, I've been hanging out in a supportive MS forum on Ravelry. The women there keep encouraging me to speak up when I deal with healthcare providers. Usually, I keep my worries to myself, but this time I told the imaging tech what happened last year. She made sure that the radiologist on duty took a look at the scans before I got off the table to make sure they were good. She also spoke to me before and after every section ("I'm done with the head", "I'm starting the neck now") which made it easier for me to gauge how long I had left. I have no natural sense of time so without some sort of touchstone, 10 minutes can feel like half an hour to me. All in all, the session went much more smoothly than I anticipated, but I'm glad I don't have to do it again for another year.

Something else I wish I could give up for another year are my Rebif shots. The auto-injector has made giving myself the shots much easier, but I still wish I could skip them altogether. It may sound crazy to some, but everything about M's senior year is stressing me out. Is she going to graduate? Will we order pictures/class ring/yearbook? How are we handling prom? Don't even ask me what college she is going to! With all the other stuff in my life, Rebif is an annoyance that I want to eliminate. I have to keep reminding myself that it would be selfish to stop taking the shots if they will prolong the amount of time I will be ambulatory and able to take care of myself. Still, the little girl in me this week is stomping her feet and shouting, "I don't wanna!"
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