13 January 2005

Dani's Turn

Even at a young age, I identified with the song "Rose's Turn" from the musical Gypsy. I know that seems to be an odd song for me to relate to, even at my current age of 38, but hear me out. Although I can be shy and reticent to engage new people, there's always been a fire burning inside of me that has threatened to consume me at times. I need an a outlet, a safe way to satisfy the voice that screams "Notice me!" even as my rational self is saying "Where can I hide?" God gave me the need for applause without a talent that would bring it my way. Music affects me so strongly that I can barely keep still, but I have no rhythm and a barely serviceable singing voice. I thought that writing would quiet the voice, but so far it hasn't worked out that way. Writing is difficult for me when I try to do it "on purpose". I leave more interesting paragraphs in the comments sections of other blogs than I manage to produce for my own blog. (Often I am tempted to rename my blog "The Reactionary" and just write my responses to everyone else's entries!) Currently, I am trying to make my knitting "sing" for me, but I fear that I am the needlework equivalent of a hack. I'm not creative enough to bring anything new; I can only duplicate others' patterns.

Perhaps I identify more with Seymour's lyrics in "Downtown (Skid Row)" from Little Shop of Horrors:

All my life I've always been poor
I keep asking God what I'm for
And He tells me, "Gee, I'm not sure
Sweep that floor, kid"

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