20 January 2005

Do you know who I am?

I've been 'fraid of changing
'Cause I built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
I'm getting older, too.
--"Landslide", Fleetwood Mac (1975)

Those first two lines resonate with me, especially now . I've been married for 15 years and I'm not sure that my husband knows me as well as he should. From our very first date, we knew that we had totally different and possibly conflicting personalities. Yet there was something about ABM that called out to me and made me want to build a family with him when I had never even considered marriage before. I eagerly introduced him to the more superficial aspects of my personality like my love of musicals and Chinese food, but I guarded the deeper parts of me that I was afraid he might reject. Even after all these years, I am guarding them still. However, as the third line of the chorus says, time makes you bolder. Perhaps now I am mature enough to open myself up completely and stand up to whatever reaction he has. The time has come for ABM to meet the girl who dreams of being an author, who really feels the lyrics of her favorite songs, and whose love for her husband has grown so strong over the years that it leaves her breathless.
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