"Faineant" instead of "trifling"
"Presenter" instead of "host"
"Trainers" instead of "sneakers"
These are the words I love the most.
This week's suggestion was to create a poem using words you love or hate. I enjoy slang from other English-speaking countries, but it was difficult for me to work phrases like "dead common" into a poem. I mulled it over all week and the four lines above were the best I could do.
Since today's four lines barely constitute a poem, I am going to share one of my old poems from my youth. I chose this poem because it contains some of the feeling I have for Jill Scott, even though it was written many years before I ever heard of her. I had to resist the urge to edit the poem as I typed it up; I would have written it much differently today. Perhaps I should take up that challenge for next week.
She Knew Not Her Own Beauty
The brilliant adoration emanating
From his amber-tinted gaze
Startled her at first.
She was but a simple girl
Who did not deserve such attention
As she padded quietly
Across the hardwood floor
To refresh his iced tea,
Her skirts swishing gently
Against her smooth, coffee-brown legs.
She recovered swiftly, however,
With a quick, almost defiant
Toss of her head, causing her braids
To tumble from their silver clasp.
Then she cooly returned his gaze
With eyes that spoke of
All that is womanly,
And dared him to love her.
--Dani Sanders, 22 Jan 1990
10 comments:
I like the "with eyes that speak of all that it womanly". We all know exactly what that means. Beautifully put.
I love these lines
"As she padded quietly
Across the hardwood floor
To refresh his iced tea,
Her skirts swishing gently
Against her smooth, coffee-brown legs"
Shows perfectly the moment, at which instead of fearing the power inside of us, we embrace it...and begin to master it..even if we have to fake it a little at first.
oh and I used one of you "UN" favs in my poem today...ooops
Wendy
I think this poem is near perfect. Doesn't matter if you were 16 or 36, it stands the test of time. There's such bravado in that last line. Excellent!
Sorry, I posted twice and deleted the second entry.
Pow. You nailed the moment, the emotions, like taking a picture of a feeling.
To learn how to cast such a stare . . . and how very lucky to receive it! The description in the middle is so very strong, too, that transition.
You used some of my favorite words; adoration and amber.
I love how you captured the nuances and feeling of the moment. Quick, defiant, dared... amber gaze.
Definitely beautifully put.
I really enjoyed your poem... I could see the scene.. :-)
Well this poem is supercool. I sometimes write in the same style, you know, but anyway, this poem is great.
Hats off.
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