This first week on my new job went more smoothly than I expected. The work itself, straight data entry, is simple and exactly what I wanted. There is very little thinking involved, so all I have to worry about is increasing my speed. Since everyone in my section is doing production work, I don't have to worry about making small talk, which we all know I'm not very good at. My coworkers all jam their headphones on and get to work. That's my kind of workplace!
The rough part comes with my life outside of work. My energy hasn't descended to basement level yet, but I don't feel like doing much when I get home. Blogging, reading, cooking, knitting, housework -- all out the window for the moment. Since I haven't done serious typing in a while, my arms and shoulders are pretty sore. I expected all of this to happen, so it isn't a total surprise.
This is the third time that I've gone through an extended period of unemployment, and each time I have learned something about myself that I can take into my next job. The lesson this time is that I need to fix what I can and ignore the rest. I can go to bed earlier and get more sleep so that the morning routine won't be so rough. I don't have a lot of work clothes (I've gained weight since the last time I was in a proper office two years ago) but I can make do with what I have. The house is not going to be perfect, but ABM and I talked about that and I think we have both lowered our expectations a bit. The childcare situation isn't ideal, but we have several people willing to help so we patched together a system.
My fantasy of being a perfect stay-at-home mom was just that -- a fantasy. I will never be a great housekeeper because I'm not that interested in it. Learning to cook has been great, but I can still do that on the weekends with better ingredients because I will have more money. I doubt that I will ever enjoy working outside the home as much as some women do, but I realize now that my time is best spent earning a wage that will help my family.
1 comment:
This is a powerful reflection. I have the same tension between working and parenting, but in the end it is nice to have some money. Without it, it can be just as you say, fantasy.
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