25 January 2013

Starting 2013 a little healthier . . . maybe

ABM and I started working out again last summer and kicked it up a notch around November by going to the gym. I promised ABM that if we could manage a family membership to the YMCA, I would make an effort to go regularly with him. ABM spends his time on the machines while I take exercise classes. Exercise takes a lot out of me, so doing it while I am unemployed means I have time to recover when I get home.

In addition to the regular exercise, I finally let ABM talk me into doing a low-carb diet and taking an appetite suppressant. He has been trying to get me to do this off and on for a while. ABM believes that if you aren't doing something radical to lose weight, then you aren't trying hard enough. He punishes himself in the gym and deprives himself at the dinner table. That isn't something I am normally willing to do, especially long-term, but I am tired of fighting it. I figure if I do it his way, then I can say I tried it and he will leave me alone.

I've gone from one 20-minute exercise session a week to averaging between 85 and 125 minutes of exercise a week, but I still feel tired. I don't feel like I am building any stamina. My husband and other long-time exercisers keep telling me that this is a hump I will get over and that pretty soon I will feel energized, but I know that's not true for me. The year I spent in the military (before I broke my hip) was full of exercise and waking up at 5a, yet my body never got used to the exercise and I never turned into a morning person.

The low-carb diet isn't exactly agreeing with me, either. The appetite suppressant is keeping from me going into a rage over giving up bread, but I feel even more drained. Giving up cookies, candy, and the other junk carbs makes sense but I don't feel like I should give up all carbs. I'm trying to fill up on meat and veg, but I am really used to having rice or noodles or potatoes to round out the meal. I end up just eating the same amount of meat and veg as I usually do because I don't want any more than that. As a result, I may not be consuming enough calories.

The one benefit that I am getting out of this regimen is that ABM seems to be happier with me. He hasn't vocalized this, but I think that in his mind he is pleased that I am finally making an effort to lose this weight. He believes that if I'm not losing weight, it is because I am not trying hard enough. I have health conditions that aren't visible, but they make it difficult for me to lose weight and exercise as hard as ABM thinks I should. I'm pushing myself as much as I can, but I wonder how far I have to go before he realizes that this isn't going to work.
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