I still feel attached to the first draft of my Poetry Thursday offering, so I am posting it. Feel free to share what is wrong with either one of them. Samantha suggested that I was trying too hard to make the poem fit within a certain structure in this draft. I lost the feeling of the first stanza.
We've been together so long
That we barely glance at each other each day
And our names have fallen away
Which seems so wrong.
How does my name feel on your tongue?
Does it luxuriate in your mouth
Before making its way south
To your lungs, demanding to be sung?
Or do you spit my name out
Like a bitter taste
Letting its power go to waste
Instead of using its clout?
There's no end to what you might get
If you whispered it in my ear
Instead of just calling me "dear"
But you haven't tried it yet.